I will be moving into my 46th year on this earth, this lifetime, on the 23rd of this month. The journey here really amazes me. There is always so much to take in, learn, embody, and share. We are all so unique and all so alike; the polarities are endless.
My life story has been interesting, however fairly peaceful over the last couple of years. So, it sometimes takes me by a bit of surprise when a part of me becomes triggered over what I thought I had healed.
If you have read any of my previous posts, blogs, etc before, you may have figured out that I am to learn a lot through mirroring in relationships. I wish I had known that earlier…it might have saved me from a wrinkle and gray hair or two!
I really do not purposely try to trigger others, and I know that others do not intentionally trigger me. I understand these are lessons or opportunities for growth if we decide to contemplate these interactions from this perspective. I haven’t always, and still sometimes forget; however, for the most part, I know my intentions are now to look within and search for a part of me deep inside that is being reflected through interactions with others.
It is really cool when what you are seeing outside of you brings you joy, laughter, love, excitement…you know, all the good stuff. Connecting with those “awesome” parts of you and then those parts connecting with others is the victory in relationships.
It takes a certain level of awareness, vulnerability, and bravery to go inside to search for the parts of us that are reflecting and or projecting the things like sadness, anger, rejection, blame, manipulation, survival, lack, unworthiness, guilt, obligation, and fear…especially fear, as it is always the root of the latter.
Yesterday, there was a part of me that was triggered, amazingly, not as intensely as it had been in the past. It was an interesting interaction. There was a part of me that would attempt to defend my previous actions when being “attacked” or “blamed” for something I felt was unjust. This time it felt practical, logical…just the facts, yet there was a part of me that was sad; I was feeling the other person’s sadness, and my own. I didn’t feel like I was being attacked or blamed, maybe slightly disrespected, unheard, and misunderstood; this person had already made their mind up about me, without hearing or wanting to hear my truth.
And then left.
Another unfinished conversation.
Seeing all sides is not necessarily an easy task. If we do not attempt to be diplomatic we may miss a lot of opportunities for peace and harmony. We miss an opportunity for change, we miss miracles.
I deeply understand this person was not out to hurt me, was operating from a wounded part of their own, and more than likely isn’t even aware when triggered that wounded parts will take over and make us feel out of control. I deeply understand this person’s running is an old pattern of protection that used to serve them well, but now, now it is sabotaging any chance for their own miracles to occur.
That, folks, was the old pattern I was witnessing that triggered the sadness I felt. Seeing, feeling the pain they were experiencing, knowing I could not “fix” anything for this person, and understanding I had been a part of this person’s pain in the past despite doing the best I knew how at the time. And loving them hard enough to let go, waiting again, calmly for their return.
What a strange life. It’s weird to really grasp an understanding of how powerful we all are and then when you finally get to the point of understanding this, the responsibility of it all hits you. Sometimes really hard.
I love this person. I have loved most that have entered my life, fast and hard. It is who I am. I needed to learn to focus that love inward first before giving any of it away. Why? Well, because I know now how powerful I am, how powerful the energy of real love with no agenda can be, and that some are just not ready for it. It can make them feel uncomfortable, suspicious, triggered, threatened, but mostly, SEEN. And some humans are just not ready to be seen. And that is ok. Focusing that powerful, fast love inward first…also prevents me from taking it personally.
I have been “accused” (I smile here) of looking into the “soul” of people I first meet. What?? Being intimidating. I was just giving you eye contact…. That was my old response.
Now I realize, yes, there is a part of me, the part of me that is like a part of you. Maybe, a part of you that has been hidden away. I promise I didn’t do it on purpose. I am a mirror for you as well. What did you see in me that you didn’t like? What did you see that you liked? I am a reflection of something that is happening within you…and so is everyone else in your life. The sooner we know this, the sooner we begin seeing this play out between our inner and outer worlds, the sooner we get back to the “you that is really you.” The sooner we have deep peace, harmony, and love.
Your life will change. Guaranteed.
Why? Because you begin taking responsibility for you. You stop blaming others. You take accountability for your actions in the past, present, and future. Nobody is at fault, nobody is guilty. We agreed to help each other out here while we went to Earth School. We agreed to be somebody’s “good guy”, somebody’s “bad guy” ~ either side of the coin ~ somebody’s “teacher”. And they agreed to be ours.
Soul growth is the goal. Everyone wants to be a master. We forgot we are here to be students.
What did this interaction yesterday mirror for me? In the past, when this person ran, I would run in my own way as well. Both were a form of “ghosting”. I would trigger someone, they would “ghost” me in their own unique way, and I numb or “ghost” a part of myself. I would accept the responsibility and then completely allow the relationship to fall off…essentially “ghosting” the relationship. This was an opportunity to take a different action. A heart action.
I have been practicing invitation. Invitations are not always acknowledged or accepted. I invited this person to return to finish the conversation. I don’t know if they will acknowledge or accept. I will not put an expiration date on the invitation. Everyone will move at their own pace, this is a way in which we are unique.
Please keep this in mind. With every “ghosting”…the label really implies it…there is a level of grief that follows for everyone involved. When someone transitions via suicide without a note or an explanation we are always left wondering if there was something we did wrong or could have done differently, taking on a responsibility for their life and livelihood. “Ghosting” in/of relationships is no different. When we leave, numb out, disappear, without a note, without finishing the conversation…well, a death has occurred for the other party. Now, if that party is aware of what is actually happening, is fairly self actualized, they will more than likely not take it personally. For the rest of the human race, it’s another loss, another uncertainty.
All interactions and relationships are 50-50…even if you are a completely silent partner. You are playing a role. That is, until you complete the role. How many “roles” have you left open, unfinished? Did you start something you do not want to finish? Are their conversations you started and have not returned to out of fear? Did you make a promise you did not follow through on?
We all sign up for things we were not quite ready for, it’s ok to let the other person know just that; that is accountability 101. There is no shame, in fact, speaking your truth and allowing others to speak theirs is honorable. There are parts of us that will speak out of turn or out of a wound sometimes.
We are all truly doing the best that we know how. We do not know, until we know. How are we to “know” if we are not willing to speak our truth and allowing others to speak theirs? Being a compassionate witness first for yourself and then for others = a new level of harmony, peace, and love.
I encourage us today to open our minds, our hearts, look in the mirror, reflect. Be accountable, accept responsibility for yourself, for your part in the whole Shabang. Take an inventory. What conversations and roles do you want to return to? Either to wrap it up permanently, give yourself and the other party closure, or to heal and reconnect?
Will they reject you? Will they actually hear you? Will they receive you with open arms? You won’t know until you do it.
Your responsibility lies with you. Their reaction is not your responsibility, your problem, or frankly your business.
Give yourself some inner peace and clean your own slate. Have compassion for the parts of you that are scared shitless. I am guessing the other party also has parts of them that have been scared.
Let go of the outcome, you have never had control of others, only control of your action or inaction. If “we” are meant to be for a reason, a season, or a lifetime is all a part of the mystery.
Anticipate and embrace the adventure we signed up for. Make that phone call, surprise them with an in person visit, have coffee, bring a snack. Project what you want reflected back at you. Be humble. Stay present.
It only takes a change of your mind to witness a miracle. Give and receive a miracle today. Release them from the past and the future. You will receive the freedom you gift.
Always with Gratitude & Love,
Cheryl
