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Ghosts of Christmas Past?, Mother Nature, & On the Hunt

I am curious how many of you have been going through a state of “uprooting” this year? A state of confusion or uncertainty? In the process of changing your story? Being haunted by your past?

I am not sure where all of this is going today but I am sure it will all come together in the end.

This last week has had me reflecting on this last year, more than feels comfortable. I have been practicing and strengthening my “presence” muscles this year which keeps me in a state of peace. This week there has been a pushing and pulling inside of me to peek in the rear-view mirror again and out of a state of presence and peace.

Lol…Maybe it is the ghosts of Christmas past trying to show me something?

As I write this Sunday morning, there is a hesitation, and a hint of sadness. I have shared before that I do not prep for these contemplation sessions, only ask for what wants to come through for my highest good and the highest good of all that are reading or listening. I am going to honor the hesitation and hint of sadness, take a pause here to sit with it a moment, feel into it.

As I take this moment, my hands are wanting to open, to wave goodbye, and to hug all at the same time. Like I am saying goodbye and embracing. An extension and a contraction. It is not grief; it is not loss. It is a letting go I suppose. We know life is filled with constant cycles of birth, life, death, rebirth, life, death, repeat, repeat, repeat…much like everything in nature reflected clearly in its seasons.

If we use nature as the example, we have moved officially into the season of winter this week. A season of hibernation, a reflection on the past year, and contemplation of what we would like to sow and grow in the upcoming spring.

This year it feels different, I am different, of course it feels different.

When I reflect on planting, I know I am a fan of planting perennials…they are the best bang for your buck, pay for them once and they come back bigger and more beautiful every year. Maybe I, or we, are the perennials? Are you a full sun, partial sun, or shade perennial? Or better yet, a tree? Or are you an annual? As much as I like change, being an annual seems like it would be too fleeting and superficial for me…although, they can pretty the space up and bring new inspiration for a short season...I prefer substance, enrichment, and standing the test of essence of wisdom.

Those, who have planted perennials know, not all that are planted come up as expected the following season because it is not their time or perhaps because we didn’t plant them in the most ideal environment. It is a wait and see scenario sometimes. Then, one day, they may surprise you, you may have even forgotten you planted that one. Maybe, I have planted an entire garden of metaphorical perennials that have been in a wait and see scenario and am now deciding if I am walking away, letting go, or needing to dig them up and replant them in a different environment. And did I plant the garden, am I the garden, or both?

Reflecting on the push and pull this week in relation to the last year feels different than any other year. Like I have been “uprooted” and I have been waiting to be replanted somewhere, my temporary pot is becoming uncomfortable, it’s getting too small, and I either need to be placed in a bigger pot or anchored in the ground again. And I must have just the right environment, at just the right time. Maybe that Eden will show up and I will be anchored in the spring? Or am I a perennial or tree that was supposed to be planted in the fall?

Conception, ideas, sowing, birth, first sign of life, growth, changes, harvest, savoring life, completion, letting go, death…so many different aspects to being a human and everything this life entails, sorting out where you are and what is going on can be so confusing at times.

If you pull yourself up and out of the garden for a moment to see what a beautiful fucking mess all of it is, only then can you make some logical decisions on how you want to re-landscape or just move…LOL, Mother Nature might just send a fire, flood, tornado, or earthquake as a very clear message that things need to be cleaned up, reset, and created anew. Will we listen to her whispers or wait for her to make the decision for us? Resistance is futile. You can prolong it but why? Playing a game with her seems foolish. You could start your own dumpster fire! There is a level of restraint to feel into in regard to timing...I have learned this the hard way more times than I can count and a skill I am working at mastering.

It is decision time. For all of us. What do we leave in our past? What do we take with us? Where do we go from here? She is whispering…are you listening?

Are "traditions" triggering the ghosts of Christmas past to pay you a visit, tempting you back to ways of being that do not serve you any longer, or just reminding us of what we no longer want? The soil of the past is no longer fertile, all the nutrients have been sucked out of it, there is only grief for what you wanted to happen that didn’t happen. The sadness and hesitation are about the dream you are walking away from, the story you told yourself, or your belief in the stories of others, not necessarily the truth or your future.

Traditions are stories…like the story of Scrooge…I suppose you could wait for the ghosts to pay you a visit? Or you could grant yourself your own miracle through a change of your mind and state of Being today. It might be scary to give up your false sense of control…or it could just be the thing that grants you both freedom and the self-control that has been tucked underneath your fear and need for external control. I have been an active "tradition breaker" probably my entire life, however, have only stopped feeling guilty about it and started taking conscious action, slow as it might be sometimes, over the last 12 years. I noticed, even as a child, the soil under a lot of traditions has been sucked dry of nutrients, now I understand I have the power of choice to move to new soil, change my story, and create new traditions that are full of life.

While you are all doing your thing, I am going to embrace my role as a "tradition breaker", create some new ones, continue changing my story, and remain on the hunt for some fertile ground to anchor my roots.

Merry Christmas!

Always with Love and Gratitude,


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