Mmmmmm…I love coffee. I love coffee so much. The aroma, the heat, the texture, the richness, and the varieties, coffee intoxicates me. I love coffee so much I have found it is the only item in my kitchen that when I run low on finally pushes me to break and overcome my resistance to grocery shopping. This week due to the subzero temperatures my resistance to the grocery store was on overdrive and I had to break into my backpacking coffee I use specifically for overnights when hiking. I am on my last two pouches as I sit down with you this morning. Thank God it is finally warming up today!
I have gotten the message over the last 14+ months “use what you have”. It arrives every time as I am getting ready to purchase or thinking about purchasing something new. It either reminds me that I actually already have it or if I get creative, I have something that could substitute. This has substantially aided me in keeping a very disciplined budget…as you know, I wasn’t very careful when it came to my money choices in the past. I have come to the understanding we, subconsciously at times will put ourselves through hardship to work on self-discipline. It really hit home this week. Why would our subconscious create hardship to address self-discipline? Someone asked me why I made the decision to eat plant-based over the last few years. I will spare you all the “fun” symptoms and let’s just say, my body would get super angry after eating meat, dairy, eggs, you know…anything that tastes good! I “joked” it was a punishment or a lesson in self-control or self-discipline. But maybe, it's true.
I suppose this has been a theme. I don’t know if it is just me, but the word discipline was a 4-letter word to me...in a negative way...cuz you all know I am not shy about using a real 4-letter word if the point I am making calls for it at the time!...anyway, the word discipline used to really put me off, like I was in trouble for something. Until, a different perspective came across my path, maybe a year or two ago; self-discipline is just showing up for yourself.
Ok, I am in.
I began looking for ways I could show up for myself. I guess I had just kinda fell into the food and money lessons…LOL, as I am certain I was as resistant, if not more so to those topics as I am with grocery shopping!! And when we refuse to look at every area of our lives, cover all bases, there will be a sneak attack from the subconscious to make us take a long hard look at whatever it happens to be.
Getting my body to like me was the first important task at hand and is still a work in progress however, I believe she is finally beginning to trust me again! The next important task my subconscious needed me to address and must at least currently remain vigilant about is financial health. I never would have guessed money as one of the top 2 scariest things for me to look at and to address, and then talk about it openly and publicly. I still do not enjoy bringing it up.
Overall, it is a lesson in value. In the past, I didn’t value myself. When we do not value ourselves, we make choices that ultimately devalue. Those were mistakes, errors in judgment and behavior. It is a good thing mistakes and errors can be corrected. LOL…easy-peasy, right??
It can be.
We only need identify the error and make a new choice. We can choose to place our value back into Self first. That probably seems foreign to most as none of us were “trained” or brought up in that manner. It probably seems overwhelming like learning a whole new language. It probably is looked at by others as “selfishness” because they do not want you to change or stop putting their needs above your own.
If you were to flip a home, how do you increase its value? You know it will be work. You know you will need help. You know you will need to look in every nook and cranny to find all the things that have been neglected and damaged. Make decisions on what is still of value that stays and can be innovated. You run into things you didn’t expect. You will take it step by step. You will get it done. You will magically create a new home. You will not get the project done by ignoring the purchase to be flipped and focusing on what the neighbors have, what they are doing, or fixing their homes.
When I reflect on my life and where I was at just a couple years ago, I could have easily lit a match, started a dumpster fire, and walked away. However, too many things of value would have been lost. Flipping felt way saner than arson ;).
Showing up for you increases your value. You feel it shift and change within you. You not only think, you KNOW on a deep level within you, what you are worth. It has nothing to do with money or material things. Don’t get me wrong, money and stuff are nice to have, help us meet our basic needs, "extras" depending on your jam, and they can aid us in all having a good time. I would say, it is more a perspective shift in relation to money and things. Money and “stuff” can create a messy relationship with “power” …we see it everywhere and seemingly the messiness bleeds into everything.
When your inner worth and value increase and expand the power comes from within…when you continue to show up for you over and over and over again, the power generates from within. You become a self-sustainable inner power generating machine. And this is the good kind of power…not the power that takes from others, wishes to control others, power that keeps it all for you, power that focuses on getting to the top, power that generates fear, envy, manipulation, and miserly ways.
It’s the kind of authentic power that propels you to do you and magnetizes new opportunities and people on your path through this awesome crazy life. It is the kind of power that generates an inner calm, a self-assurance, a knowing on when it is time to take action, to speak up, and when it is time to rest, do nothing, or play while you wait. It is the kind of power that generates playfulness, innovation, creativeness, compassion, openness, more time, presence, courage, and generosity. It is the kind of power that allows you to stake claim over your dominion - aka - you, all of you. It’s the kind of power that fills you with an unshakeable knowing that nothing outside of you can really hurt you.
Lofty goal?
I don’t believe so. I believe it is within reach for every single one of us.
A friend of mine asked me last week “What’s your biggest fear”. My immediate answer was “not living up to my potential.” I had asked her what prompted her to ask. She said “because you seem pretty damn fearless”. I had joked and said something to the effect of having been working on the perfect potion or sequence to immortality for centuries and believing eliminating all sources of fear might be the answer. Although a joke, I might be on to something.
What I do know for sure, is as my inner value, worth, and power increase, so too does my audacity…this word makes me giggle... “How dare I!”. She can call it fearlessness. You can call it courage, foolishness, or whatever name suits your fancy. The song “The Joker” by The Steve Miller Band just popped in my head. I don’t have any desire to label it, as I want it to be whatever it wants to be and evolve into.
I know I am enjoying the transformation. I am in love with me, with My Heart. I am in love with all the things that make me unique and all the similarities that help us relate as humans. If I was watching my own reality TV series, let's just say, I would be my biggest fan, and although it would be awesome to have fans outside of me, and I definitely would not reject them, I don't necessarily need anyone to be a fan, to be or do me.
Inner power generates inner approval. Which means you no longer need to seek approval outside of you. Again, still cool to have and at the same time, isn't required. I am realizing my TV series is definitely moving primarily into improv, which would have put me in a panic in the past, now, it just sounds like fun...music playing in the background so I could get a better sense of what is coming next would be helpful!
We were talking about my love of coffee...how did we get here from there? Oh, well! Almost time to show up and tackle my grocery store resistance, it is time for me to refill my cup. With a fresh cup of coffee, I truly feel invincible! Coffee has to be an essential ingredient in that potion to immortality...
Happy Sunday Folks!
Always with Love & Gratitude,
Cheryl